Who is responsible for the fact that you choose
to be with people who betray you?
Are they responsible or are you?
When you trust people who do not deserve your trust,
you get hurt.
And then, instead of seeing your error and learning from it,
you blame the person who betrayed you,
which shifts the responsibility inappropriately.
And when that doesn’t work,
you try to beat yourself up by engaging
in some kind of self-destructive behavior
like picking up a bottle, overeating,
or having promiscuous sex.
That way you get to punish yourself
without taking responsibility
for your role in what happened.
Better to take responsibility for the decisions that you make
and leave the self-crucifixion out.
If you have a pattern of attracting people
who treat you unfairly or unkindly,
then be more careful about whom you trust.
Let people win your trust over time.
Don’t give your power away to others
just because you want their love and approval.
Don’t depend on others to give you the love,
the approval, or the safety you need.
Give them to yourself and then you cannot be betrayed.
From Everyday Wisdom by Paul Ferrini